I have been going through some internal struggles lately, how about you? I think when we set out on this path and walk with Jesus we are going to have bumps in the road. These bumps are there to learn from I’m gathering. I overwhelmed myself with reading too much, wanting to know more about Jesus. I wasn’t remembering anything I was reading so I stopped altogether and took a break.
I realized the past 4 weeks from taking myself away from the things of God that made me feel connected to Him, that these things are really what I need. I expressed to my mom how when I got saved I felt driven to read the Bible, sing songs, watch movies about Jesus and anything else that would present itself to make me feel closer to God. And of course writing this blog. I never could understand why other people who say they are saved don’t feel like I do. Why they don’t pursue God the way I have. Then again no one really knows what other people do in private, right? Only God knows. Only God knows the heart. I thought I could stop what I do and be like everyone else. I convinced myself that it really didn’t matter. But without it I feel like I’m wasting my days. I know that doing something without the Holy Spirit doesn’t amount to much in the heavenly realm. When it’s all said and done what we did for Jesus is what counts.
I had a dream where I wanted to be known as a woman of faith. I woke up crying about it. I figured out this is a real desire of my heart, to be known as a woman of faith, or woman of God. I pursued this topic after I had the dream to see if I am a woman of God and come to find out, I already am, but other people don’t really know I am. Maybe my immediate family but that’s it. Then I realized from watching a movie called 1 Mile To You that I’m not in competition with anyone. This is my one race. This is my test, no one else’s. If I can focus on Jesus, run my race with my heart and convince my body, mind and soul of who I am I will do something marvelous. My love for Jesus has to be enough. He is enough.
In this movie, the coach said most people die with their music still in them. I believe I have an orchestra inside of me and I will let it out. I will let it out for Jesus and no one else. I do this because it’s me and it’s what I do. Just like Kevin said in the movie about running. Well, I feel this way about everything I do to be closer to God. My mom told me it isn’t for God’s benefit, it’s for my own. To keep me in line, to keep me on track, to keep me in my one race I have to run. I want to run it strong and end strong. I want my life to reflect God’s marvelous glory some how.
Kevin, in the movie, ran to be able to see his girlfriend who just died. He felt connected to her while he was running because they did this together. I realized that the things I do that have to do with God are what connects me to Him. I can see Jesus, I feel the presence of God. This should be the only reason that I do them.
1Corinthians 9:24, 24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
2 Timothy 4:7, 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.